Forgiveness and My 4-Step Process

Do you want to learn how to forgive? Are you stung by past hurt, or maybe you are stung due to your own actions (or lack there off)?

Forgiveness is a powerful tool and has many implications, but for some it remains that elusive concept that they could desperately get their hands on.

Why is that?

I strongly believe that forgiveness is not only a very personal thing (obviously) but is also unique to each and every individual. Or to put it another way, a method to forgive may work for me, but may not work for you.

I’ve been wanting to write an article on self-forgiveness for some time, yet lacked the tools or the mentality to do so.

The reason being was that I was slightly addicted to the dopamine levels that holding a grudge can release, and also for me to forgive, I would have to…you know…move on with my life. This my EGO couldn’t do very easily.

And yet, this was extremely stupid of me, because I was releasing bad chemicals into my body when I had moments of anger and rage. And they say that 4 minutes of rage can actually lower your immunity for around 5 hours.

So it begs the question, why would you want to become ill for?

With that in mind, I’m taking the plunge and writing my version on how to forgive yourself. Of course, this article mainly deals with self-forgiveness. I haven’t tried it on forgiving other people. I’m sure it would work just as ok, I’ve just yet (at this early stage in discovering this) used it to great length on other people, just on myself.

Of course, like any technique, it may work for you or it may not. What works for me, may not work for you. I’m not trying to slide in a crass disclaimer here, just simply stating that forgiveness is such a personal, unique issue, that no one technique is going to be perfect.

Having said that, I’ll give it may best shot here for you;-)

Of course, you could argue that you don’t need to forgive, that you are not ready to forgive.

If that is your case, good luck to you, because by holding onto your anger, you are releasing chemicals into your body which (by default) will dis-empower you (Click here for a video which demonstrates how emotions has an effect on your body). The trick, if you can, is to somehow let go.

And that is what ultimately forgiveness is; it’s the ability to let go. And letting go is vital for longevity and for a healthier body and mind.

But like I said, this method may not do anything, or may work wanders.

It’s as simple as that.

And I have to say this, but it does incorporate your soul as well, although by now I would like to think that if you are a regular reader to my blog, you should by now know that you do have a soul, and it is this soul that survives after what you call, ‘death’.

I hope you don’t make the amateur mistake in thinking that you are just body and EGO and that’s your lot. (if you want to, you can search online for either, ‘Remote Viewing’ or ‘Out-of body experiences’, then come back here to carry on reading this article;-)

I’ve got a pretty good idea that this will work for you, especially if there is some self-forgiveness that you need to do (I believe it should also work for forgiving somebody else as well, although I’ve only mainly used this technique for self-forgiveness, so you will need to try it against someone and let me know how it goes on).

But ultimately, self-forgiveness is a unique thing, and I’m under no illusion that the following technique might not be suited for everyone.

Still, give it a go and let me know how it goes on. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, a quick online search will highlight many other techniques online.

Try a technique and see if it works for you. Hopefully you’ll find one soon enough, and finally (with time) reduce and eliminate that anger that has been holding onto you.

1 – Learn from the mistake

To begin with, (especially for self-forgiveness) you need to learn from your mistake. No point in trying to forgive yourself if you are going to make the same mistake over and over again.

Ask yourself, ‘What has this mistake taught me?’. What variable needs to change, in order to grow from it. And if you genuinely cannot find a way to grow from it, you may need to experience it again and again until you do grow from it.

This is where a bigger perspective comes in, that you may need to take a really objective view on what’s happened (I say objective very loosely, as we are in a subjective multiverse, but that’s for another day). Try to get a grasp of the bigger picture, and this will make learning from your mistake a lot easier to grasp.

2 – Let go

Easier said than done right (don’t I know that one all too well!). Letting go doesn’t mean justifying what has happened, or agreeing with it from an EGO sense of self, but rather accepting what has happened.

Don’t forget, what you resist will ultimately keep persisting! Much rather let it go, and as a result, change the rule of your reality bubble.

Also, letting go has the added benefit in allowing you to move on and in some cases, even get an intuitive incline that what happened had to happen (i.e. it could be no other way). It does take a slight bit of psychic ability/ spiritualism to get to this mark, but with practice it’s very doable.

Of course, to really fully let go, you can go onto…

3 – See the spiritual perfection in the design

Tough one to grasp, especially when you deal with the crime biggies out there (but that’s for another day) but if you can somehow take a step back (be mindful if you have to) and look at the bigger picture, usually you’ll see that something good always comes out of it.

I know that when I have gone through some real shitty times, I look back and am glad it happened no other way. Mind you, this has not been easy, and even today I still feel a slight tinge of anger, still bubbling up. Of course, for you to make seeing the spiritual perfection easier to do, you require the forth and final piece of the steps…

4 – Find a thing in the experience to be genuinely grateful for

This calls for you to actually having to put the effort to go beyond EGO to reach this state of clarity.

For some of you, this will not be easy, and going beyond EGO may take a lifetime of work (I’ve heard of cases where people refuse to forgive what has happened, when they are quite old…talk about holding onto anger for decades after an event). The thing is, some people get a kick out of holding onto anger, due to the release of dopamine.

Sounds silly, but think of this. I had a belief about being loveless (I’ve since done some inner work to change this belief) and while going to bed I wouldn’t have an issue with love, but first thing in the morning I would fantasize about being old and being on my own.

One morning I decided to really analyze what was going on, why I felt compelled to have this fantasy. Lo and behold, I was addicted to it, because despite feeling crap, I actually felt sort of good and even righteous.

This righteousness kicks many people in the teeth, and nothing breaks down relationship and looses trust faster than being righteous (of course, if you have way too many close friends on your hands…;-)

I suspect that a few people who hold onto a grudge do so because they are addicted to that sensation.

While I can appreciate the argument behind this, you are poisoning your body due to the chemicals that are being released. Much better to be honest with yourself and start the healing process and move on with your life, than hold onto a grudge because at some deep level, it feels good.

Like I said in my opening remarks, forgiveness is a powerful tool to have, and while there is no one-size-fits-all approach to forgiving yourself (or somebody else), it has a great way of providing peace of mind and allows a new state of love to enter you about that situation.

This allows new chemicals to flood your body, and allows you to be in a more empowered sate of mind, so that achieving your dreams or goals becomes that little bit more easier.


4 Replies to “Forgiveness and My 4-Step Process”

  1. Great post. It is hard for a lot of people to say sorry and you’re right it does have to do with ego. Thank you for sharing.

    1. If people can just somehow take a step back from their EGO, I strongly suspect most problems may helps themselves. Just my opinion though.
      Thanks for commenting

  2. As the old saying goes: Refusing to forgive is like ingesting poison and waiting for the other person to die.
    It’s not about excusing what’s been done to you, it’s about refusing to let your experiences crush you. I suppose one question to ask is: Am I going to let this person’s behaviour eat away at me, or am I going to care enough about myself to let go of any resentment or bitterness towards this person? It is only the ego that wants to hang on to blame.
    Inner peace and harmony is surely more desirable than even the most justified burning sense of indignation?

    1. I couldn’t agree more. In a weird way, it’s similar to revenge…only you get hurt.

      By forgiving, whilst you are not justifying their actions, you are keeping your inner peace, which means a more healthier body.

      Thanks for commenting


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