Awesome rapport: How to make life easier (for free) in 5 powerful ways!
You hate it when this happens.
You try to meet somebody, and once again, it falls short.
You don’t know what it is.
But for some reason, you cannot seem to get through to the other person.
This has not been the first time, nor the second…
Not even the third.
It seems to be a regular, occurring theme.
You simply cannot seem to connect with people you meet.
For some bizarre reason, you don’t seem to be there with them.
You’re speaking to them, and yet the words are dry.
You look at them, and yet there’s no soul.
There is something about connecting with people that you seem unable to somehow measure up.
And it makes you feel worthless.
It makes you feel that you don’t deserve to even be there.
It does more than that, it makes you feel empty, a nobody.
You’re sad. And yet, time and time again, you’re met with failure.
You feel vulnerable.
You feel useless.
You feel like you can’t seem to do much to make build rapport and make friends that easily.
And of course, you feel this is frankly embarrassing.
‘Is it me’, you say to yourself. ‘Is it how I present myself, or how I dress? Maybe it’s my smell?’.
And yet it could be something as very simple as your body language.
Believe it or not, you body language is more effective at putting your point across than anything you will ever say.
And that is because body language is a universal tool, unlike your spoken word.
But you have to bear one thing in mind, you’ve got to know what you’re doing.
Building rapport is not difficult. In fact, it is one of the most simplest things you will ever come across.
And it is simple because ultimately all you are doing is mirroring what they’re like, i.e. you’re not going for their words, you are going for their body posture.
Because your body posture accounts for about 70% off your communication.
I can testify that it isn’t nice to feel anxious around people or have social anxiety.
It isn’t nice living without confidence in being unable to communicate with someone.
Communication should be fun.
It should be fluid, effortless…
Communication should be a joy.
You should be at peace with the person. Not thinking, ‘Am I getting the message across’.
This creates convoluted thinking. This creates muddled thought.
The result is incongruence. And yes, people do pick up on that.
Where there’s incongruency, there’s the potential for tension, and possible drama.
Who wants that?
Ultimately, it exposes you. You may even feel like a fraud.
And that’s not fair!
Because you don’t deserve to feel exposed.
Why should you be, you’re trying to do your job.
Your trying to be helpful, you’re trying to give support.
You’re trying to inform.
Why should you feel bad for it. Nobody else seems to!
But this time around, you’ve got me.
Because I’ve been there…many times.
Until I discovered body language and psychology.
Then my world turned upside down. It was almost like I had discovered a brand new planet!
That is how powerful building rapport can be.
But I’m going to be honest with you, there is no laziness here. This is a thinking persons game.
Because to be really good at rapport, you have to quickly observe what is going on, and mirror accordingly, while speaking your truth.
It’s going to be tricky, but it’s certainly doable. Do this regularly, and you start to become an pro communicator.
While the first one is simple to do in its own right, some can be quite tricky at first and may need some practice before you get the hang of it.
Just be patient, as practice helps you get better;-)
Basically, all you have to do is to match your breathing to the person you are talking to.
The easiest way to do this, is to use your peripheral vision, as that picks up subtle movement more effectively.
Using your peripheral vision isn’t easy to do, so learn to practice it before you start meeting new people.
You can do that when you go for a walk, i.e. see how many birds you can see that is just out of your central vision.
2. Gaze (not stare)
For simplicity, a stare is when the eyebrows are lowered, a gaze is when the eyebrows are higher (think of being surprised by something).
If you want to gain quick rapport, staring at your opponent is not the way to go. Instead, I tend to now raise my eyebrows to make my presence less threatening, and more welcoming. Combine this with a …
Ah yes…the good ol’ smile.
A nice subtle smile, with a gaze should work wonders (just don’t make it too subtle or obvious).
At the risk of sounding bleadingly obvious, but I observe a few people these days that talk without doing much smiling.
Not even a tiny one!
Of course, there will be times when it will be inappropirate…
But when you give a genuine smile, you are saying to the world that you are friendly and have good intentions (unless you are into scamming, but that is for another day…)
Smiling should make the person feel more at ease around your presence. You already know this, so it is worth bearing in mind.
4. Match body language (discreetly)
When you smile, and are matching your breathing with the person you are speaking to, another clever thing to do is to match their body languuage (i.e. where they put their arms, or how they sit, etc…)
Obviousy, if they are sitting cross-armed, you may need to change the subject to something more positive, but by matching you body language with theirs, you will find yourself building rapport with them.
5. Mirror their tone in the voice
So far, I’ve tried to keep this list to non-verbal stuff, as most communication is actually non-verbal.
This will be the closest you will get to being verbal, and that is matching their tone.
Now, I’m not one for screaming at someone if they are screaming at you.
Although lets be honest; if you are meeting someone new and they are screaming at you, you may want to get the hell out of there…fast;-)
I’m talking about people who may have a softer voice, and matching your voice to theirs, or people who speak with more confidence.
By matching your voice tonality with theirs, as well as matching how fast or slow they speak, you will be able to gain more better rapport.
Give the above techniques a go and see how you get on. I think you will be pleasently surprised.
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