Forgiveness and My 4-Step Process

Do you want to learn how to forgive? Are you stung by past hurt, or maybe you are stung due to your own actions (or lack there off)?

Forgiveness is a powerful tool and has many implications, but for some it remains that elusive concept that they could desperately get their hands on.

Why is that?

I strongly believe that forgiveness is not only a very personal thing (obviously) but is also unique to each and every individual. Or to put it another way, a method to forgive may work for me, but may not work for you.

I’ve been wanting to write an article on self-forgiveness for some time, yet lacked the tools or the mentality to do so.

The reason being was that I was slightly addicted to the dopamine levels that holding a grudge can release, and also for me to forgive, I would have to…you know…move on with my life. This my EGO couldn’t do very easily.

And yet, this was extremely stupid of me, because I was releasing bad chemicals into my body when I had moments of anger and rage. And they say that 4 minutes of rage can actually lower your immunity for around 5 hours.

So it begs the question, why would you want to become ill for?

With that in mind, I’m taking the plunge and writing my version on how to forgive yourself. Of course, this article mainly deals with self-forgiveness. I haven’t tried it on forgiving other people. I’m sure it would work just as ok, I’ve just yet (at this early stage in discovering this) used it to great length on other people, just on myself.

Of course, like any technique, it may work for you or it may not. What works for me, may not work for you. I’m not trying to slide in a crass disclaimer here, just simply stating that forgiveness is such a personal, unique issue, that no one technique is going to be perfect.

Having said that, I’ll give it may best shot here for you;-)

Of course, you could argue that you don’t need to forgive, that you are not ready to forgive.

If that is your case, good luck to you, because by holding onto your anger, you are releasing chemicals into your body which (by default) will dis-empower you (Click here for a video which demonstrates how emotions has an effect on your body). The trick, if you can, is to somehow let go.

And that is what ultimately forgiveness is; it’s the ability to let go. And letting go is vital for longevity and for a healthier body and mind.

But like I said, this method may not do anything, or may work wanders.

It’s as simple as that.

And I have to say this, but it does incorporate your soul as well, although by now I would like to think that if you are a regular reader to my blog, you should by now know that you do have a soul, and it is this soul that survives after what you call, ‘death’.

I hope you don’t make the amateur mistake in thinking that you are just body and EGO and that’s your lot. (if you want to, you can search online for either, ‘Remote Viewing’ or ‘Out-of body experiences’, then come back here to carry on reading this article;-)

I’ve got a pretty good idea that this will work for you, especially if there is some self-forgiveness that you need to do (I believe it should also work for forgiving somebody else as well, although I’ve only mainly used this technique for self-forgiveness, so you will need to try it against someone and let me know how it goes on).

But ultimately, self-forgiveness is a unique thing, and I’m under no illusion that the following technique might not be suited for everyone.

Still, give it a go and let me know how it goes on. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, a quick online search will highlight many other techniques online.

Try a technique and see if it works for you. Hopefully you’ll find one soon enough, and finally (with time) reduce and eliminate that anger that has been holding onto you.

1 – Learn from the mistake

To begin with, (especially for self-forgiveness) you need to learn from your mistake. No point in trying to forgive yourself if you are going to make the same mistake over and over again.

Ask yourself, ‘What has this mistake taught me?’. What variable needs to change, in order to grow from it. And if you genuinely cannot find a way to grow from it, you may need to experience it again and again until you do grow from it.

This is where a bigger perspective comes in, that you may need to take a really objective view on what’s happened (I say objective very loosely, as we are in a subjective multiverse, but that’s for another day). Try to get a grasp of the bigger picture, and this will make learning from your mistake a lot easier to grasp.

2 – Let go

Easier said than done right (don’t I know that one all too well!). Letting go doesn’t mean justifying what has happened, or agreeing with it from an EGO sense of self, but rather accepting what has happened.

Don’t forget, what you resist will ultimately keep persisting! Much rather let it go, and as a result, change the rule of your reality bubble.

Also, letting go has the added benefit in allowing you to move on and in some cases, even get an intuitive incline that what happened had to happen (i.e. it could be no other way). It does take a slight bit of psychic ability/ spiritualism to get to this mark, but with practice it’s very doable.

Of course, to really fully let go, you can go onto…

3 – See the spiritual perfection in the design

Tough one to grasp, especially when you deal with the crime biggies out there (but that’s for another day) but if you can somehow take a step back (be mindful if you have to) and look at the bigger picture, usually you’ll see that something good always comes out of it.

I know that when I have gone through some real shitty times, I look back and am glad it happened no other way. Mind you, this has not been easy, and even today I still feel a slight tinge of anger, still bubbling up. Of course, for you to make seeing the spiritual perfection easier to do, you require the forth and final piece of the steps…

4 – Find a thing in the experience to be genuinely grateful for

This calls for you to actually having to put the effort to go beyond EGO to reach this state of clarity.

For some of you, this will not be easy, and going beyond EGO may take a lifetime of work (I’ve heard of cases where people refuse to forgive what has happened, when they are quite old…talk about holding onto anger for decades after an event). The thing is, some people get a kick out of holding onto anger, due to the release of dopamine.

Sounds silly, but think of this. I had a belief about being loveless (I’ve since done some inner work to change this belief) and while going to bed I wouldn’t have an issue with love, but first thing in the morning I would fantasize about being old and being on my own.

One morning I decided to really analyze what was going on, why I felt compelled to have this fantasy. Lo and behold, I was addicted to it, because despite feeling crap, I actually felt sort of good and even righteous.

This righteousness kicks many people in the teeth, and nothing breaks down relationship and looses trust faster than being righteous (of course, if you have way too many close friends on your hands…;-)

I suspect that a few people who hold onto a grudge do so because they are addicted to that sensation.

While I can appreciate the argument behind this, you are poisoning your body due to the chemicals that are being released. Much better to be honest with yourself and start the healing process and move on with your life, than hold onto a grudge because at some deep level, it feels good.

Like I said in my opening remarks, forgiveness is a powerful tool to have, and while there is no one-size-fits-all approach to forgiving yourself (or somebody else), it has a great way of providing peace of mind and allows a new state of love to enter you about that situation.

This allows new chemicals to flood your body, and allows you to be in a more empowered sate of mind, so that achieving your dreams or goals becomes that little bit more easier.

 

Fighting for your life: My turn!

I was going to write an article about why bad things happen, from a spiritual perspective to someone.

I was going to write why it is important not to develop too much of a thick shield, where you start to avoid things at all cost to keep your self from getting hurt, and to instead learn the process of de-attachment.

I was going to write about what happens if you don’t have the correct perspective on a negative event, how it can conditionalize you further and how it can make you loose your friends and cause fear of abandonment issues.

I tried to research heavily into this.

I was reading articles from de-personalisation, to how to help yourself if you were a highly sensitive person (which I am).

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind reading articles. In fact, I rather enjoy them (in most cases) purely because I get some much great content.

I love reading on how to understand myself more, and therefore how to improve my life for the better.

And yet, I’ve been reading about improving myself for almost 10 years, yet nothing much has changed.

I still live in pretty much the same place as before, with still the same neighbors, and still the same fears. Yes, my panic attacks and high anxiety have gone (hence this blog) but apart from that, everything is pretty much the same…

Which frustrates the hell out of me…where am I going wrong?

I know the answer…it’s dead obvious!

Action!

So, if I know the answer, why am I still feeling, ‘stuck’ in my life?

I know the answer to that one as well…

Motivation!

I recently tried to study a motivational NLP course (NLP is about understanding the language of your mind).

It had a lot of great info, and some cool NLP tricks which I tried somewhat successfully.

Has it completely worked?

Well, sort of

I can get some of the annoying small things done, but nothing major…I’m still in a rut there.

Then what is it then?

As I was reading some great articles yesterday, I came across a fantastic article on the power of being underestimated

It talked about some of the troubles Steve Jobs went through, from being sacked from his own company, to having cancer.

Yet he never gave up!

On top of that, I watched the 2011 film, ‘Bridesmaids’. It turned out to be a film that completely changed my perception on life.

It featured one of the main characters, Annie, going through a lot of hell with friendships and her job, before hitting rock bottom.

With the help of her spunky friend, Megan, she gets herself out of it.

But the scene that made all of the difference, was when Megan had a playful fight with Annie, who was wallowing in self-pity.

Megan was clearly annoyed that Annie was feeling sorry for herself, and wanted to snap her out of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I sympathized with Annie. Life can be tough, and feeling sorry for yourself is understandable. But there comes a time, when action needs to be taken.

Megan, on the other hand, was not about feeling sorry for herself…

She had been bullied when she was in high school, so understood how fighting for your life was valuable.

This scene hit me hard, and I knew where I had been going wrong with my life…

I hadn’t been fighting for it!

This is one of the few problems with spirituality. We teach you to keep your emotions in check, to be at peace with any piece of shit that comes in your direction.

We teach you to meditate, and we teach you not to judge on appearance. We also teach you how to be , ‘at one’ with the world…

Which is all very well and good (don’t get me wrong), but if you’re not careful, you end up being too passive for any action.

Sometimes, the very emotion that you can suffer a lot from can be very similar to the emotion of getting you out of a rut.

And that’s the problem there!

We teach you (accidentally, in most cases) to essentially numb your emotions.

You emotions is a powerful tool. I should know this all too well.

I used to suffer from rage (getting better now, as I know what’s going on). Yet, the dumbed down version of that is anger.

Anger, lashed out at someone (we all know), is a bad thing.

Fair enough!

But you can use that anger for great effect. You can use it to, ‘fuel your way to the top’.

Essentially, if you can control it, it is a great source of creative energy.

When you finally start fighting for every moment of your life, and you take control, obstacles will come and go.

Yes, keep finding peace in between the madness and don’t loose yourself completely. But if you can control your inner anger, not only will you tap into a source of great creative energy, you will also make changes with your life very quickly.

I’m supposed to write an article about mothers on mothering Sunday, but I thought as a tribute, I’ll write this:

If you can finally direct your life in the way you want it, and make your mum proud, wouldn’t that be the ultimate mothers day present?

I’ll leave you to answer that one;-)

 

How To Reduce The Effect Of A Negative Person In 3 Simple Ways!

Watch out for people who suck out your energy!

They may come in various disguises and in various forms. You may find them in high authoritative positions, or it could be even as close as members of your own family or friends.

Watch out for these people, because when it comes to recovering from a panic disorder, and ultimately going on to the spiritual path, these people will block you from success.

They may not even be consciously aware that they are doing it!

So engrossed in their own behaviors and programmes, that they will justify their actions saying that they are only, ‘looking out for you’, or that you may be, ‘weird’.

But if you really want to keep your stress levels low, and as a result, recover from your panic condition, these people need to be recognized and weeded out of you life.

Why?

Quite simply, they will stall your recovery!

So you suffer from panic attacks, or you have anxiety related depression, and you want to recover and lead a happier lifestyle…

Do you seriously think this is going to happen if you are under the roof of somebody who continuously drains you of negative energy, by listening to their negative thinking?

Of course not!

In some circles, these people would be called energy vampires. I don’t necessarily call them that, but I mention that term here for your reference.

So, how do you stop them?

You firstly need to recognize their main characteristics. They often display the following:

-Slightly-to-severe narcissism

-Cynical

-Aggressive

-Slightly-to-severe in-approachability

-No consideration for your feelings (obviously)

-You feel their negative energy, even if they are not outwardly aggressive

-Slightly-to-severe form of righteous

-A form of arrogance

The trick, ultimately, is to feel sorry for them.

Feeling sorry for them stops any anger buried deep inside of you from springing up and stopping you from being, ‘present’ and allows compassion to flow from your being.

They act like this due to social conditioning. Their life has been far from perfect, but instead of admitting that they have made a few mistakes (like we all do), they develop an arrogance and try to consciously (or subconsciously) bring you down.

Don’t forget, their life wasn’t great, so yours shouldn’t be either!

So how do you overcome these people?

I have personally found 3 main ways which work:

1 – Mindfulness in the moment

This is one of my favorite ones, as it really helps, ‘ground’ yourself and allows you to keep your inner peace.

Sometimes you feel that much negative energy, that the only way you can stop your personal energy being, ‘sucked out’ is to keep yourself being, ‘present’ which helps your subconscious thoughts not get too influenced by their thinking.

The easiest technique I have found for being mindful with these people around is to simply keep my attention on my breath. This alone, whilst it may sound simple, is a great way to keep yourself being focused in the present moment which will naturally help increase your inner personal power and will also keep your inner peace so you don’t feel drained.

2 – The Ball of love.

Sometimes you have no choice but to engage in a conversational activity with these people.

You have to actually think, which of course will loose your presence and could open yourself to be subconsciously influenced (actually think and say thoughts which are not necessarily your own).

The easiest way to deal with this situation is to imagine a big ball of love envelop and, ‘cocooning’ your body, so that any negative consciousness heading in your direction is, ‘repelled’. Again, sounds simple and works an absolute treat.

3 – Sending compassion their way

If you can, (and you are psychologically strong enough) open up your Heart Chakra and mentally, ‘throw’ love in their way. This alone will help diffuse any negative energy and will also help reduce your current stress levels, leaving your chances of recovering from a panic disorder a lot easier.

Sending love or compassion is always a great way of distant healing anyway, so you will (at a deep subconscious level) be helping them overcome their own negative imagery that they will be having.

By loving them as best you can, not only will you be stopping yourself at getting angry and stressed, but you will also be helping them get to their inner peace as well.

Recovering from a panic disorder is a tough nut to crack, but being with people who suck your positive energy out of you isn’t any better either, and you’ll have a hard time trying to recover.

Don’t be one of those people wanting to recover, but who surround themselves with negativity.

Be positive, be spiritually smart and be spiritually strong. You’ll be glad you did.

 

Suffer from anger? Here are 10 ways to reclaim your inner peace!

Anger is an interesting emotion…

One can talk about how unhealthy it is to be angry all the time, or how it can help create illness in your body, or how it can even disrupt friendships and damage them to the point of no return.

But the thing is, if you don’t know how to control your anger or your rage, you will lead a very poor lifetime.

It’s as simple as that.

I used to get angry myself living at home. My parents used to come out with irrational reasons why something had to be done…

That in itself isn’t a bad thing, and can be easily overlooked and ignored.

But when the same parents display traits such as narcissism, and lack of consideration towards your feelings about a subject (until much later), and then to go as far as to be talked over and ignored, soon anger and rage become a very obvious side effect to this one-dimentional family relationship.

The thing is, by the time I realized that my parents were at one level, causing me to feel angry, it was too late. The damage had been done.

Having suffered from sleep deprivation over the years, the anger was also fueling my anxiety and even had a helping hand in my panic attacks. Anger is also responsible in making me loose the present moment, and stop enjoying life.

Again, that isn’t necessarily too much of an evil thing, one could argue. Some people could get really cold and say that you have to simply, ‘get over it’ and move on. Fair enough!

But anger and rage have another trick up their sleeve…a trick that few people are aware off…

They are emotions, which means that for you to, ‘feel’ them, certain chemicals in your body have to be released. The chemicals that are released to form anger and rage causes damage to your body, and can even shut down important aspects of your self.

It has been said that 1x 5 minutes of anger can reduce your immune system for up to 6 hours!

Suddenly, not fair enough…this has to be stopped, or you could cause some significant harm to yourself.

We all know the physical symptoms of anger, from Headaches to Fatigue, from increased blood pressure to even Heart palpitations. And yet, despite the harmful effects of anger, around 25% of men have uncontrolled anger!

Now don’t get me wrong, a tiny bit of anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing. One could correctly say that it can be a great energy to deal with, to help you make better plans for your self and you family. But the question ultimately becomes this…can you discipline yourself to feel anger only for a short period of time, so you don’t cause too much injury because of it?

Its a good question!

So lets look at the 10 best ways of controlling and reducing your anger, so you don’t let the burning feeling consume and mentally eat you alive.

1 – Watch you thoughts

Sounds kinda obvious, but just the act of watching your thoughts can be a great way to reduce and eliminate your anger. If you know that a certain word or image is going to set you off, don’t think of it. Try to distract yourself, and actually put the mental effort into changing the thought, so you think more inspiring ones then negative ones. If you can, try…

2 – Practicing mindfulness throughout the day

Just by randomly choosing times to be right here, right now will be great at diffusing any anger/rage inducing imagery which may set you off and cause you stress. Just using your peripheral vision alone is a great way of reducing the mental chit-chatter and will allow you to lift the fogginess of your mind, think more clearly, and actually restore your inner peace.

3 – Use NLP to eliminate the image

You can use a form of NLP, where you actually get into a quick habit of taken a mental snapshot of the picture of your mind that is causing you to be angry, and then shrinking it and making it disappear within a second to the corner of your vision. It does sound too simple for it to be true, but this method actually works. And if you can get your-self into a habit of doing this, you’ll find your general anger will be substantially reduced.

4 – Learn to forgive

Sounds weird, but forgiveness is still very under-utilized by some folk, despite it’s obvious benefits. To forgive, see the blessing in disguise, and then let go. This will be the toughest part, as we are taught to not let go. But letting go doesn’t mean that you are justifying what the person/ group have done that is causing you to be angry, but accepting what has happened. And when you learn to accept life, it can be remarkably peaceful. Not that it’s easy mind you…

5 – Count backwards from 10 and learning emotional discipline

Can be a great little trick to delay any negative response, as well as anger/rage. Just by quickly counting backwards from 10 can delay an angry image to flash up, and can stop you from loosing your inner peace.

5 – Become creative

Sometimes being creative can be a great way to reduce and eliminate anger, such as writing down your angry thoughts, and making a scorching letter. This can be a very peaceful way of letting the energy of anger leave you, and can help relax your soul.

7 – Use exercise to relax

Of course, if you are not the static person, try something kinetic instead, like jogging, or hitting the punch bag…something that can allow you to release steam. By burning some of the excess energy you get from anger, you will feel slightly exhausted, but on the plus side you will also be partially recovered.

8 – Breath deeply and slowly during the heat of moment

And by this, I mean belly breath deeply and smoothly, which will not only allow you to keep yourself from loosing your cool, but allows you to become slightly present as well as give mental clarity. Deep breathing has many health benefits, and it is easy to see why, as we have trained ourselves to shallow breath as part of normal everyday life.

9 – Learn to meditate

Naturally, prevention is always better than cure, so to reduce any future anger and rage attacks from harming your psyche, try to take up meditation. No, it doesn’t mean that you have to sit with your back straight, legs cross for hours upon hours (although fair play to you if you do;-) but it can mean just 10-15 mins of lying down on your bed, or sitting in your chair, just watching your breath and paying attention to any thoughts that you think off.

10 – Have a good laugh.

Of course, sometimes a good old fashioned laugh is in order to save the day! And when I mean laugh, I mean to genuinely find the funny side of what has happened. Admittedly, this will not always be easy, but if you can somehow get into a habit of seeing the funny side, not only will you stop yourself from getting angry, you’ll also have a blast while doing it.

Practicing the above steps will sure fire your way to success in reducing anger and rage. Don’t harm your body by suffering from these emotions Instead, be emotionally smart, re-gain clarity of thoughts, and keep your inner peace.

You life depends on it;-)

 

The Top 7 Ways To Control Your Anger!

Do you suffer from anger? Do you find yourself getting angry and wound up very easily. Believe it or now, all is not lost as there are coping mechanisms you can use to help control, reduce and in some cases even eliminate the anger. But only if you want to.

And that is because some people actually seem to enjoy being angry. For some, it is an EGO boost, a power trip to release tension and to get what they want. However, the emotion of anger can harm your body, as the emotions play a significant part in our overall health. Or to put it another way, it has been said that a few minutes of rage can actually reduce your immune system for several hours. Now I don’t know about you, but that is a few hours too many.

I’ve suffered my fair share of anger and rage over the years. It’s not been pretty, and you do loose many friends. You have to be really careful in what you say and do, as anger has an annoying habit of getting you to say and do things which you are only going to regret, and can be ultimately costly.

So if you do want to remain healthy, keep your immune system and your blood pressure intact, and keep your friends, keep reading. This article will help summarize the best ways to reduce anger and get your inner peace of mind back. As always, reading is simply not enough, you do need to take action. But by taking action, you’ll begin to gain more emotional strength, which will help any future situations.

1- Use deep breathing

Deep breathing is vastly under-rated in modern society. Just the act of deep belly breathing itself can work wonders for your emotions and your mind. It automatically has a soothing effect on your emotional well-being, and can be helped to keep your mind clear, distraction free, and to re-focus on the task at hand.

To deep breath, take a good belly breath, hold for 2 seconds, and then breath out. Repeat this simple exercise 3-5 times (more depending on the level of anger you feel) to really help reduce the anger bubbling inside you. You’ll be surprised how effective this little exercise can be.

2- Count backwards

This is another great exercise that you can do in the privacy of your own mind, and helps not only to relax you but to retain your inner peace. Essentially, when you feel you are getting angry, learn to quickly count backwards in your mind from 20. If you can breath deeply at the same time, this will also help. I’ve used this technique to stop emotionally reacting to peoples comments, that would otherwise wind me up, and can be used to re-claim your peace of mind.

3- Being present

For the spiritual amongst you, presence is a good way of reducing your anger. By being present, your are reducing your EGO mind chatter, and the imagery that comes with it, which means that you will re-claim your peace and reduce the negative emotions that anger was giving you. Of course, this does mean that you have to quickly find a way to be present. One of the easiest ways of doing this is to use your peripheral vision, so that your central focus is widened (although deep breathing can also be used in conjunction with this for great effect).

4- EFT

Another clever little resource, this can be used to help not only reduce anger (by restoring the energetic flow of emotional energy) but can also help you to stop reacting the same way in the future.

EFT is all about tapping certain parts of your face and body, while reciting affirmations. While it may sound silly, EFT is a powerful free tool in helping you overcome many emotional issues, and has been used to treat many psychological problems.

When you are in the angry state (if you can remember), sit down for about 5 minutes and do a quick session of EFT. You’ll find that after a few, ’rounds’ you’ll start to notice peaceful feelings returning (or at the very least, the intensity of the feeling of anger will be reduced). EFT is a powerful technique, and has been used by thousands of people across the world with startling effects.

5- Drinking cool water/green tea

Of course, diet plays an important role when it comes to your emotional well-being, and anger is no exception. Popular drinks like coffee and alcohol actually can be more of a hindrance than a help. Caffeine is a popular stimulant, whereas alcohol is the best combustible…it can heat and dry your body.

However, a better alternative would be to slowly drink cool (not cold) water, as this will soothe your nerves. If you have access though, drinking green tea is a great way to relax you, as it contains Theanine which calms you. Of course, try to go for the de-caffeinated version, so the Theanine will be at it’s best, and not be fighting against the stimulating effects of the caffeine.

6- Boxing bag

If you simply don’t have the time for the above, or are not in a situation to do anything, a boxing bag can be very handy after work. Of course, you would need to find a way to help calm the nerves before you get home/go to the gym (breathing exercises would be advised in this case) but once you have left work, or the situation that is causing your anger, the boxing bag can be an ideal way to let of some steam.

Of course, try not to destroy your bag, as you will end up not only hurting yourself but also causing long-term injuries. Boxing gloves would be well advised, as well as wearing wrist supports. Doing a few rounds in the gym can work wonders on your emotional strength, and can help you get the negativity out of your system.

7- Avoiding situations/knowing your triggers

It does go without saying, that if you know something is going to make you angry, try to avoid it altogether. Sometimes certain comments which trigger images can wind you up. Other times, it could be certain people. The thing is to try to find a way to keep contact with them at a minimum, or if you must, find coping strategies so you can put up a, ‘shield’ so your negativity will be reduced. Of course, this does require practice, and also the knowledge that you know which situations, comments or images are likely to trigger the feelings of anger in you.

But over time, you’ll find yourself building emotional strength, which will not only help you feel better, but can also send out positive vibes towards other people who could also be suffering. Knowing what triggers your anger is a priceless skill, and can help you resolve conflicts peacefully and very quickly.

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