You hate it when this happens.
You try to meet somebody, and once again, it falls short.
You don’t know what it is.
But for some reason, you cannot seem to get through to the other person.
This has not been the first time, nor the second…
Not even the third.
It seems to be a regular, occurring theme.
You simply cannot seem to connect with people you meet.
You speak to them, and yet the words are dry.
You look at them, and yet no soul.
There is something about people that you seem unable to somehow measure up.
And yet it could be something as very simple as your body language!
Believe it or not, you body language is more effective at putting your point across than anything you will ever say.
And that is because body language is a universal tool, unlike your spoken word.
Just imagine how great it will be, when you know that your talking is putting your point across easily and effortlessly!
But you have to bear one thing in mind…
You’ve got to know what you’re doing!
Building rapport is not difficult. In fact, it is one of the most simplest things you will ever come across.
And it is simple because ultimately all you are doing is mirroring what they’re like, i.e. you’re not going for their words, you are going for their body posture.
Because your body posture accounts for about 70% off your communication.
I can testify that it isn’t nice to feel anxious around people or have social anxiety, because I've had it myself.
Communication should be fun.
It should be fluid, effortless…
communication should be a joy
You should be at peace with the person. Not thinking, ‘Am I getting the message across’.
This creates convoluted thinking. This creates muddled thought.
The result is incongruence (and yes, people do pick up on that).
Where there’s incongruency, there’s the potential for tension, and possible drama.
Who wants that?
Ultimately, it exposes you. You may even feel like a fraud.
And that’s not fair!
Why should you be, you’re trying to do your job.
Your trying to be helpful, you’re trying to give support. You’re even trying to inform.
Why should you feel bad for it. Nobody else seems to!
But this time around, you’ve got me. And I'm not going to let you down.
Not on my watch;-)
Because I’ve been there…many times.
Until I discovered body language and psychology.
Then my world was turned upside down. It was almost like I had discovered a brand new planet!
That is how powerful building rapport can be
Here's the thing…
I’m going to be honest with you here, there is no laziness on this road!
This is a thinking persons game …initially anyway.
The reason being is this; to be really good at rapport, you have to quickly observe what is going on and mirror accordingly, while speaking your truth.
It’s going to be tricky, but it’s certainly doable. Do this regularly, and you start to become a pro communicator.
While the first one is simple to do in its own right, some can be quite tricky at first and may need some practice before you get the hang of it.
Just be patient, as practice helps you get better;-)
Basically, all you have to do is to match your breathing to the person you are talking to.
The easiest way to do this is to use your peripheral vision, as that picks up subtle movement more effectively.
Using your peripheral vision isn’t easy to do, so learn to practice it before you start meeting new people.
You can do that when you go for a walk, i.e. see how many birds you can see that is just out of your central vision (you get the gist). Then when you walk into a room full of people, you can see the subtle belly movements that their breathing makes. Match accordingly.
2. Gaze (not stare)
For simplicity, a stare is when the eyebrows are lowered, a gaze is when the eyebrows are higher (think of being surprised by something).
Here's the thing: if you want to gain quick rapport, staring at your opponent is not the way to go. Instead, I tend to now raise my eyebrows to make my presence less threatening, and more welcoming. Combine this with a …
Ah yes…the good ol’ smile.
A nice subtle smile, with a gaze should work wonders (just don’t make it too subtle or obvious).
At the risk of sounding bleadingly obvious, but I observe a few people these days that talk without doing much smiling.
Not even a tiny one!
Of course, there will be times when it will be inappropirate…
But when you give a genuine smile, you are saying to the world that you are friendly and have good intentions (unless you are into scamming, but that is for another day…)
Smiling should make the person feel more at ease around your presence. You already know this, so it is worth bearing in mind.
4. Match body language (discreetly)
When you smile, and are matching your breathing with the person you are speaking to, another clever thing to do is to match their body languuage (i.e. where they put their arms, or how they sit, etc…)
Obviousy, if they are sitting cross-armed, you may need to change the subject to something more positive, but by matching you body language with theirs, you will find yourself building rapport with them.
Don't get me wrong, we're arn't talking about being really obvious with this (discretion is key) but if you find yourself crossed leg, and the other person has the leg spread out after a few minutes, copy what they are doing about a minute later.
5. Mirror the tone in their voice
So far, I’ve tried to keep this list to non-verbal stuff, as most communication is actually non-verbal.
This will be the closest you will get to being verbal, and that is matching their tone.
Now, I’m not one for screaming at someone if they are screaming at you.
Although lets be honest; if you are meeting someone new and they are screaming at you, you may want to get the hell out of there…fast!
I’m talking about people who may have a softer voice, and matching your voice to theirs, or people who speak with more assertive confidence.
When you match your voice tonality with theirs, as well as matching how fast or slow they speak, you will then be able to gain better rapport.
Just imaging what it wil feel like, knowing for damn well that you wil be seen as an excelleant communicator.
Imagine going out for parties, and being the centre of attention.
When you give the abouve techniques a try, then you will gain rapport easily and effortlessy.
Give the above techniques a go and see how you get on. I think you will be pleasently surprised.
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If you have any problems/Issues, you can always email me at: support-at-healingbymind.com.